i’ve lost two jobs because of alcohol.

which i need to constantly remember in order to not drink. things that hurt and have long healed are still huge examples of why i can not drink. i am not like other people.

should i move back to california? if i do it will be very soon, like in two weeks. i must decide now.

mom’s big one.

today it’s my mom’s birthday bash since she will be in chicago on her actual birthday. i haven’t once thought about how much alcohol there will be there until just now. which is why i decided to post.

i am not worried one bit. i am more worried i will stuff my face all day, but hey, 50 is a big one. i’ve been angry with my sister for being messy but today i’ll let it go. messy as in really dirty and she knows it bothers me.

according to ipromises i’m only 16 days sober. i already forgot when i quit. being strong in your decision to not drink is what made it easy for me. and if someone asks why i don’t drink, i tell them straight up, i can’t control my drinking. the look is priceless and that ends the annoying offers. 

the truth is, half the people there will most likely drink too much and know it. at least i stopped. 

i used to love free drinks. and any reason to get drink. esp birthdays. 

tracy morgan.

feeling better.

one week strong of working out. an hour + a day. yesterday was my “off day” but i still did yoga for an hour and a half. and i walked a few miles to and from my meetings. stress is lowering. still major anxiety from being robbed again. discovered more things missing. including my first edition signed james franco book. you can’t put a price on things you like. trying to find the good in people again. i hate to think that this incident has caused as much anxiety as it has. but i did not drink. i did not smoke. and i must remember not everyone is out to get me. may seem like it all the time… must not judge any book by it’s cover. actually, if i had, this might not have happened… but the past is the past. OM. (;

i really wanted to smoke, but knowing i will be in manhattan shortly, i must look my best. it will be humid and hot as fuck. plus i will see people i have not seen in months. 

tracy morgan is hilarious. “every family has a crack head. white people just call them substance abusers.” ha!