how much benedryl do i have left?

welppp…

didn’t even make the family party. my grandpa was there i hadn’t seen in years. mom completely forgot about me. didn’t hurt that bad last night, but this morning i had to cry it all out. i really just want to take a ton of sleeping pills and sleep the day away. but that isn’t a very adult thing to do. stuff like this would have me drinking by now normally. 

who’s mother forget’s them? she tried to call around 10 last night. then about twenties minutes ago this morning. i really don’t feel like talking right now. i can never get her to respond about anything. she must feel bad. she NEVER calls me. i was already a little upset about her bouncing a check on my costco account. who does that?

 

mom’s big one.

today it’s my mom’s birthday bash since she will be in chicago on her actual birthday. i haven’t once thought about how much alcohol there will be there until just now. which is why i decided to post.

i am not worried one bit. i am more worried i will stuff my face all day, but hey, 50 is a big one. i’ve been angry with my sister for being messy but today i’ll let it go. messy as in really dirty and she knows it bothers me.

according to ipromises i’m only 16 days sober. i already forgot when i quit. being strong in your decision to not drink is what made it easy for me. and if someone asks why i don’t drink, i tell them straight up, i can’t control my drinking. the look is priceless and that ends the annoying offers. 

the truth is, half the people there will most likely drink too much and know it. at least i stopped. 

i used to love free drinks. and any reason to get drink. esp birthdays.